Some of the Things I Learned in 2008

What a year 2008 has been!  Looking back at it I feel as though the Universe has had me in a Master’s Level Life Curriculum.  Although I don’t remember signing up for that, I’m sure I did at some point before coming into this life.  I imagine myself sitting down with some counselor of the Universe (or Angel perhaps?) and mapping out the lessons I want to learn in this incarnation…  “What was I thinking?”  is the question that begs for an answer!

Not that I have a bad life, mind you.  But there have always been so many things that I’ve been afraid of.  First and foremost myself!  My own emotions scared the hell out of me.   I have spent most of my life unconscious and reactive.  The events of this past year have presented me with the opportunity to learn how to “be with” my emotions.  The Universe generously supplied kind and gentle teachers to support me every step of the way as these events unfolded.

In the past the emotions where I “lived” or at least spent most of my time were Fear, Guilt and Shame… I have  moved this past year… to a new emotional address!  I now operate more often out of Love, Joy and Gratitude!  In order to make that shift I had to stop running and deal with situations in my life.  Things that kept coming up over and over.  At one point I decided the Universe negotiated like a Mafia Boss… It seemed to be saying to me, “You can do this now or you can do this later… but you will do it!”   So at that point I stopped running and surrendered.  I am so glad I did.

Once I stopped running I found that some of the biggest “button pushers” for me… the things that absolutely terrified me were nothing at all to be concerned about… and some of the experiences actually turned out to be pleasant.  (What a nice surprise!)  To get to that point I had to suspend judgment and labeling everything good and bad.  I learned that in reality things just “are.”  I learned that nothing has meaning except the meaning we give it…

Everyone’s path is different but the Universe does have a lesson plan for all of us, I believe.  If you pay attention and look you will see the clues in your life as to what your lesson plan is.  Where are you the most reactive?  For me it was about being “not enough” or “not good enough”… so a really big shame component was there for me, and of course fear of being “found out.”  Coincidentally a holistic doctor several years ago had suggested that I needed to make some life style changes that would incorporate colonics into my life and that just really pushed a huge button for me!   Again centering around shame and fear!

So earlier this year when events lined up so perfectly for me to experience a colonic I was mortified… but I was also tired of running and of the emotional burden I was carrying.  So I “went there”… and I allowed the events to unfold and I believe that was a huge part of my growth.   I can now see the connection for me between the fear and shame I had been carrying and the fear and shame triggered for me with the proposition of experiencing  a  colonic.

Working through emotions anchored in a physical experience that connected directly with the emotions that were crippling my life and my personal growth resulted in a profound experience for me.  By allowing this experience and working through it with the help of a very gentle and wonderful colon hydrotherapist Diane Stankiewicz* I was able to open a door to my soul.   For me the lesson around this and the changes the series of colonics and herbal flushes made in my life transcended the physical realm and connected to the spiritual.

So that was one huge lesson for me this past year… other lessons hinge on it.  Coach training through Coach U, and advanced energy training through my Qigong Instructor and Reiki Master, Dan Ferrera have been the fun part of my learning for the year.  And I’ve also learned from my coaching clients, colleagues, mentor coach and various workshops.  The challenges of building a business, first a Reiki Practice and now a Coaching and Reiki Practice, and participating in BNI have also been life changing and life enriching.

I have learned… to have a full and balanced life of rigor and integrity, that love and compassion are never inappropriate, that there are no good or bad emotions, that fear and excitement are on the same continuum, that the past doesn’t mean anything and the future doesn’t exist and therefore life can be whatever I want to make it!   I have learned to treasure life, to enjoy love, to bask in the sunlight and to really experience every experience life brings me.  I have learned to enjoy sensual pleasures fully and without shame and realize that they are a gift that offset the pain and suffering in life that we all experience.   I continue to learn to love  “what is,”  to meditate, to grow and to have gratitude for all the wonderful people in my life, including you my wonderful readers!  Thank you and I wish you a joyous, prosperous, and meaningful New Year!

*My colon hydrotherapist is Diane Stankiewicz her number is 734-536-9416. I highly recommend her!

Ancient Traditions Yield Joy

It’s the last night of Hanukkah.  I can’t help but wonder as I finish my 20+ minute standing meditation to Cave of the Siddhars if anyone has noticed a woman practicing Qigong and Standing meditation with a electric menorah burning brightly in the foreground of an upstairs window.  A melding of different ancient traditions creates for me, the perfect environment of deep internal peacefulness and blissful joy.

As a refugee from a dysfunctional Christian family I found freedom in Judaism and now seek enlightenment through meditations based in eastern traditions.  It really does all work together.  There are common themes repeating in many places, traditions, cultures.  I believe that Truth is found where those common themes intersect.

The joy and pleasure I feel during my meditation keeps me coming back for more.  Yes it is addictive!   Tonight I was fortunate to discover Lorin Roche’s website on his work in meditation.  He says of meditation for women:

“Meditation can be fantastic for women – an inner communion that lines up all the inner voices, instincts and feelings. I love the combination of humor, ease, and inner knowing that results from a good match of woman + her meditation.

…there are slight, subtle, but important differences between men and women. Women’s feelings often change every few seconds, for example. This is no problem in itself, many women know how to read these fluctuations and learn from them – this is how, in fact, intuition works.

…If you talk to women who thrive in meditation, and listen deeply and without judgment, eventually they will tell you what their real practices are, how they secretly customize the meditation practice to fit their bodies and their heart currents. That is why they thrive – they are letting their inner wisdom remake meditation into a practice that is life-affirming. “

I have been fortunate in my meditation to have an instructor who is of high integrity and practical minded.  I’ve had no reason to “secretly customize” my practice.  Dan has given me a structure and literally sent me on my journey.  His philosophy (and mine) is to experience what emotions there are to be experienced, not to squelch emotions and experiences  And that is how I’ve approached meditation… like an adventure.  It is a vehicle to experience the ride through emotions and states of being… on a journey… my goal is to “be”… to integrate passion and pleasure into my spiritual practice… to truly be a human “being” as opposed to a human “doing.”

Since taking up this practice several months ago, my relationships have changed.  My life has changed.  I feel more centered and powerful.  I have a new passion for living.  And I have a new awareness of the synchronicity of the events unfolding in my life.